The owner of the Olde Salty Restaurant in Carolina Beach, NC recently posted a sign on her front door which read “Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated!” The internets are all up in arms about how the whole world is becoming intolerant of children. I disagree. I think we are becoming intolerant of negligent parenting.
Too many times, the Computer Guy and I have gone out to dinner or a movie (with or without our children) only to be treated to the non-stop screaming of the little cherub right next to us. Most parents we see seem completely unruffled by their children's annoying little quirks, like throwing all of their food at the other people in the restaurant or painting the walls with their dinners. Maybe we are old fashioned, but when our children get out of hand (and they do because we are far from perfect parents) we leave. We get to go boxes and leave the restaurant. Has eating out become so common-place that people now no longer regard restaurants as a treat but the same way they would their own kitchens?
Perhaps I have become an old curmudgeon, but I applaud the efforts of the good people of North Carolina who want their customers to enjoy their dinners and know that a bad dining experience will leave a bad taste in the mouth no matter who is to blame. These loud children are offending not just the other patrons, but the business owner's bottom line.
People are tired of parents who just don't care. They're tired of little darlings who run amok because their parents don't want to discipline the little dears. Well done, parents, now people are putting up signs that you are no longer welcome.
What's the solution? How about actually parenting your children. Imagine a world where children are taught that they are not the absolute center of everything or universally adored, a world where we could all eat in peace. A place where a crying baby is the exception and arouses sympathy and a kind stranger to jiggle the baby while mom eats (which I've done many times) instead of exasperation and rolling eyes. A dream of a world where parents are parents and children know how to behave in public.
Until that time, I won't be surprised to see more of these signs, and you can bet that I'll be eating at the places that have them.
15 comments:
I agree with your overall point, but from about 6 to 12 months of age, ethan would shriek just to hear himself, not always super loud, and not ALWAYS that disturbing, but also, arguably, not parent-able. There were times when I could tell that his good humored noises were disrupting others and I was embarrassed. I have to wonder if we'd have been kicked out of that North Carolina restaurant.
It's a tough one, but there is certainly a line. We go to child friendly restaurants, pack appropriate food and distractions, and get the check asap in case we need a quick getaway. I think if parents do these things and there is still some loudness from little ones, it is acceptable. Of course, I think some depends on the age of the child and reasonable expectations. I, personally, don't have a lot of tolerance myself for parents who let their children run around in a restaurant. But what bugs me the most is the parents who get angry, yell, yank their children around, etc. To me that is far worse than hearing the child. Just my thoughts, interesting topic!
Maybe I'm biased because I don't have a child who misbehaves in restaurants, but maybe that's because we ALWAYS expect him to behave a certain way in restaurants and punish him if he doesn't. I completely agree with this post. When did people start expecting more from their dogs than their children? If you can train a dog to sit, bark etc. then certainly you can parent a child to behave a certain way. I think that a lot of people just don't want, or know, what to do to train their children to behave. The art of parenting seems to be lost for a lot of people.
I agree. When hubs and I get a date night (which is very rare) we find a table with NO CHILDREN IN THE VICINITY. We've even asked to be moved before. We just don't trust the kids or their parents NOT to ruin our special evening. We always snicker though, since I'm quite sure the staff and patrons think we hate kids and don't want any, little do they know we have a "gazillion!" We've also noticed that lots of kids even go to expensive restaurants...there is NO safe haven from the screamers! I get very tired of it at Mass too. Take them out people, take them out! We certainly do.
I'm 35, with no living children (not by choice - if God had willed I'd have a dozen by now), and not one of those ladies who is a universal lover of children. I know the feeling of dread it is to go into a restaurant (or any kind of waiting room, or what have you) and see small children in there, because 9 times out of 10 it seems they are going to be very horrible in behavior.
I know nothing what it is to raise children, granted, but I am so impressed and delighted on those rare occasions when the children are quiet and well behaved, when the mother has brought a book to read them or some quiet entertainment, when simply they have been raised with consideration for other people.
That is what has gotten so uncommon, and I love the way this blog post was titled - because it really is about insensitive parents raising children to be permitted to be public nuisances, which is NOT because they are simply young humans. There are people who dislike children because they've actually never known a well behaved one you could take somewhere. The whole of culture has deteriorated in manners and consideration for others; I don't believe this is an issue of children itself.
Totally and Completely Agree!
When and Why did Parents stop Parenting?
It's funny, I actually received some advice from Fr. Roman about Lack of Parenting: http://fromthepews.wordpress.com/2010/09/08/wake-up-parents/
Enjoy Date Night! They are so few and far between!
Yup. When my kids are of the age where they cannot sit and behave, we simply don't take them. Sometimes, they don't go to a restaurant for years. It works!!
We agree 100%! We have always taken our children to restaurants. We choose off peak days and times to ensure we can be in and out as quickly as possible. Kids are only so patient.
Many a time there has been when my dear hubby has had his food boxed up as he waits on the van with a miscreant child while the rest of us finish our meal in peace. It usually only takes one trip to the van for one our tikes to realize we mean business.
I would never accuse our children of having impeccable manners, but they do behave very nicely in restaurants, other folks homes, theaters, and Mass. That's good enough for us.
I will say, with a very young babe, too young for reason, we will often go without eating out for several months. It's not fair to anyone to bring a screecher out to a nice restaurant, including the little screecher.
I agree. As the mother of three hard-headed-not-easy-to-parent little boys, It disgusts me when other parents let their children run amok. My husband and I knock ourselves out to make sure that our kids have good manners and if there are problems we leave. Period. Even if it ruins our evening. Even if our kids are making "happy" or "cute" noises, if they are above a certain volume we put a stop to it, whether we are in a restaurant, at church, or on an airplane. It would be an awful lot easier to just ignore them and expect others to tolerate their behavior, but we cannot in good conscience do that.
Last night I was browsing the internet and came across a discussion board for mothers adhering to a technique called "gentle discipline". Apparently with "gentle discipline" there are no time outs and no punishment. All "parenting" is achieved by using "positive reinforcement". Many mothers on this board were posting problems, looking for advice. One said "my three year old yells at his father and calls him names and last night he kicked our dog as hard as he could" or "my sister won't let us bring our children over to her house because she says they are out of control -- I can't make her understand that they are just expressing themselves". And the advice that these women were getting was pretty much along the lines of "good for you", "you are doing the right thing" and "just make sure he knows you love him"! One senior member of the discussion board suggested to the mother with the son who was yelling at the father and kicking the dog that she distract the child next time by making a joke and getting him to laugh. WTF?! This type of parenting (intentional or unintentional) is the reason that children these days are so self-centered and out of control. What on earth are these kids going to do when they encounter the real world, which isn't so gentle?
My sons are still in elementary school, but every day I pray that somewhere in the world there are three families with little girls that are being disciplined firmly and taught virtue so that my sons can grow up and marry women who won't throw temper tantrums every time things don't go their way.
I agree and I'm one of 'those' people that takes a 2 month old with us to dinner and a movie. Exclusively nursing infant + mom who needs to get out and have fun too = baby who goes with
BUT, whether go out with all the kids or just one we do not tolerate misbehavior or loudness. If it is an infant/baby making the disturbance I (or dh) usually end up back in the car with the squawker and wait for everyone else to finish or for the baby to fall asleep. I honestly can't think of a time we have had to leave because an older child has acted out. I think that is SOLELY due to strategic seating arrangements. Other patrons probably think I am nuts but I dictate who sits where in every restaurant. There are some deadly sibling combos in our family and they must be avoided at all costs:D
Dh and I also never really relax during a restaurant meal with all of them. Constant vigilance...it's exhausting.
It does pay off. Quite a few times we've had people stop and compliment us on the kids-a couple times even buying desserts, even after *I* thought the kids were misbehaving. My kids are not perfect and I am far, far, far from a perfect parent, I think I have a ways to go to even reach 'good', but boy, does a little validation of our efforts go a long way :D
P.S. I only take nurslings to movies who sleep through the entire thing :D
I agree with all the points made about the need for parents to actually parent and to be sensitive to others when their children are misbehaving. On the other hand, I do think there's a definite anti-child mood in our society. I think a lot of people just don't want to see children (or elders or disabled people, for that matter). It's not just the children that are growing up to be self-centered; it's the adults as well who want everything exactly the way they picture it being. I have found that even amongst some people with one or two children there's a sense that families with too many children are disruptive and too noisy (even when it's "normal" kid noise).
and now there is a law suit against the restaurant from a mother of an autistic child. Anything to get there own way. I know how autistic children are, but there are times when they can behave and that's when you take them.
I am the mother of an autistic child, granted very high functioning and 13 and can control himself 99% of the time but it hasn't always been this way. When he was of an age that he was disruptive I didn't take him to restaurants. I 100% understand how parents of autistic children want to be able to eat out and do everything parents of 'normal' children do but being out in public means that there are expectations and people paying $25-$100 for a night out shouldn't be forced to listen/witness an autistic child having a meltdown anymore than they should have to listen to a 4 yr old scream because they didn't get the right flavor ice cream. I have nothing but sympathy for a mom of an autistic child having a meltdown in public, it is hard enough dealing with in private, let alone with an audience.
That said, a busy restaurant is about the last place one would want to take an autistic child, you are pretty much asking for a meltdown in that situation. All the ambient noise, movement etc....is sure to be too much
Love the post.
I've always said that as I get older, I get less patient with other people's children. I think I will look at it differently now...I am getting less patient with other parents. I don't allow my children to get loud or obnoxious in restaurants, and the few times it has happened, I have gotten very angry at the stares, or nasty comments. I work hard at making sure my children behave in public. I don't appreciate the comments from the crotchy old man in McDonald's (like that is haute cuisine) or the sour puss woman who is proud to announce that she's "never had any."
I like your way of looking at this and I agree, also.
P.S. #5 was the cutest thing on two legs today in church. I don't know if you saw his little twirl dance during the Creed but it was quite something. I've had a very rough couple of days, but your #5 put a smile on my face today.
P.P.S. Sorry we didn't get a chance to talk. I just wanted to let you know I'm so glad to see you fine and healthy at Church.
Can I just say, in a noncreepy way, that I love you? You are awesome!
We take Bobby and Maya out to eat and only once did we have an issue where they didnt want to be out. Know what we did? We got the food to go and left! We dont pay to hear other people's kids whine and cry, so why would we expect others want to hear ours? They've been going out since they were 3 months old, and they love to eat out. They have their own chairs that we bring and they get a special treat from the menu, and they enjoy it. WHen they are tired, we end up skipping dessert. Sometimes, if they crash in the car on the way, we get food to go and eat in the car! But, inside, they behave or we'd leave. I dont understand why other people have such an issue with minding their own kids!
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